b'COMMUNITYHow Black Mothers Kill their Sons Long Before they Die in the StreetsBy Ms. Melanian, From BlackmansStreet.today applaudhimforactinglikea clown.When he gets older, she is the T here are many black women praying for a goodfirst one to take sides against black man, but they are often the same oneshimwhenheisaccusedof who kill that very goodness in their own sons. Theydoing wrong and takes pride in aretheonescausingirreversibledamagetohisembarrassing and humiliating psyche long before the schools and society nail hishimtoimpresshisaccusers. coffin shut. There is no wonder he turns to Unable to watch the recent horrifying moment ofthe streets with no regard for a mother beating her 7-year-old son and threaten- life searching for that familiar ing to break his face for disrespecting his teacher,painofthatinvisibledeath I was reminded of how I killed my own son, longuntil it finds him.before he went missing 5 years ago. A past thats haunted me 40 This is not discipline! This is murdering the soulyears,resurfacedduringthe of your child! national coverage of a mother Growing up, my son loved me more than life, butbeatinghersoninBaltimore I made him fear me worse than death. I screamed inMaryland,severalyearsago. his face, I beat him for making messes, I threatenedShewashailed,Motherof him for disturbing me, and I dared him to cry whentheYearbymediaencourag-he was hurting. I broke promises to him, I denieding society to believe our sons him hugs and loving arms. Above all, I broke theshould be beaten into submis-trust of my divine purpose as a mother. coverage ofsion because they must be no good. https://black- ofmyscreamingragesfrightenedmysonsobad a mother beating her son in Baltimore Maryland,mansstreet.today/news/editorial/ (at 8-years old) he wet his pants. I began to clean several years ago. She was hailed, Mother of theTruthis,thereisnosuchthingasano-goodup my act and would later find out about horrible Year by media encouraging society to believe ourblack manbroken yes, but no one comes intothings that happened to him by some of these dark sonsshouldbebeatenintosubmissionbecausethis life no-good and no one aspires to be no-good.characters going in and out of my house while I was they must be no good. No-good things would have to shape his world, andin and out of consciousness.I was outraged by her vicious behavior as manythe womb is where his world begins. If he receivesEventually, I found a man to marry, having three motherswere;somebecausetheywouldneverprotection and strong enough love from his mothermorechildren.Turnsout,myhusbandwastor-humiliate their sons in public in such a degrading even without his fathers presencenothing inmented as a child too. He never trusted me because way, and others because, like me, have long sincelife could break him or make him a no-good man. of the things he saw his mother do, and to a man, lived to regret having violated their precious giftsAs with Moniques viral declarations of loving theno woman on this planet is better than his mother!from God in such a way. black man, many black women feel the same but,So,ifamansviciousmotherwasalsoaliar, Our sons suffer a slow, cruel, yet invisible deathnothingsubstantialcaneverbesaidtohealthecheater, or nasty man-eater, in his mind, no mat-when their mother is the first one to call him bad,black mans wounds until we first offer the sincereter how good a woman may be, he subconsciously the first to yell no, and stop at him. His spirit isapologyforthewrongwehavedoneasmothersbelieves somewhere inside her exists the same ter-broken when she is the one who tells him he cantto our sons who grow into these men. Then, as arible characteristics of his mother.do this, shouldnt do that, and better not think ofcollective, we must change our behaviors towardsIntheend,Ihadtoescapefrommyhusband, doing anything other than what Massa allows. them. discover me, and ultimately become a different kind I have heard young mothers say, he just wantsWhileIcantpossiblyrecallallthedespicableof mom raising my children with a different kind of me to hold him. But knowing so, ignores him. Or,things I did to my son (and his younger brother)life.hes just acting like a baby when in fact, he is athere are a few things that haunt me constantly; myMysonwillbe45nextyearandIhaveyetto baby. I have watched as she screams at him, callsintolerable attitude towards his need for play, myapologize to him for the wrong I did while raising himderogatorynames,andslapshimaroundinneglect to hug him, teach him, and help him learnhim.Thoughhewentontobuildaphenomenal public. At home, she shuts him up when he crieson his own with compassionate tolerance, and forconglomerateofbusinesseswithothertormented andignoreshisneedtobeheldandallowsoth- beating him for making mistakes. men, I knew he was haunted by the past I took him ers to punch him around to make him tough. SheThose things might have been reconcilable in histhrough. But instead of looking him in the eyes and will scorn him for exploring how things work anddevelopment had they been occasional incidences,saying I am sorry, I would lower my gaze in silent buttheywereextremepatternsshame in those rare moments when he would come that slowly destroyed his ability toaroundso eventually, he stopped coming.develop trust, curiosity, and self- I tell this story, not knowing whether Ill ever see esteem. To guise my horrendoushim alive again, for other mothers making the same attitudeasamother,Idressedmistakes I made, and especially to offer a sincere himupinfineclothes,taughtapology to all the black men who suffered at the him to address me as maam, andhands of their cruel and unconscious mothers.speak only when spoken to, so I While I cant possibly recall all thecould show him off in public andThere is no redemption for me regardless of the get praised for doing a wonderfulchanges I have made because I cannot go back and despicable things I did to my son (andjob with him. theirreconcil- undo what I have done. But if this is heard in the Thencameway my heart is pouring it out, we as black mothers his younger brother) there are a fewabledamages.Hisfatherwentcan change how the world treats our sons from this toprisonbeforehewasbornday on, by changing how we treat them, raise them, things that haunt me constantly; myand remained there for almost 10respect them, and empower them with the everlast-years.So,Iwentonaquesttoing effects of his first LOVE.intolerable attitude towards his needfind another good black man Right now, throughout the world, the black man searching the nightclubs where Iistargetedfordefeatbecauseevenathisworse, for play, my neglect to hug him, teachworkedandplayed.Monthafterhe is better than mostwhen he sets his mind to month,Iwasbringingdifferentit. It is our job as mothers to nourish their hearts, menhomeintroducingthemto him, and help him learn on his ownmy son. protect their minds, and flood them with our love to brace them for the tribulations society has stored up for them.with compassionate tolerance, andMy son stood by witnessing meThat is loving the black manand we cannot sink into drug addiction with man for beating him for making mistakes. after man and a host of unsavorydeclareourloveforhimwhilebeatingdownhis friends coming and going, while Isons!shuffled his half-nourished mindObviously,thisisaboutoursonswhichbyno and body into his room and car- means disregards our precious daughters. However, ried on in ways he should neverthis should serve as enlightenment to what needs to have seen nor heard. be done for her as well, because if our sons are the Ibegantowakeupafteronetarget, our daughters are the bait.BODY OF CHRIST NEWS DECEMBER 2019 17'